Are you a Christian Atheist?

I am reading "The Christian Atheist: Believing in God but Living As If He Doesn't Exist" by Craig Groeschel. A couple of months ago our pastor spoke on this topic and admitted to formally being a "christian atheist". I have cried through the entire book. I haven't yet finished it but I know I will be different at the end of it than when I started. I have been living as a Christian atheist. So many things have happened concerning my family this past year and at times I have wondered "why me" but I am now asking "why not me". There is so much I feel I deserve or God should grant me but when I look at what I actually deserve I have been given so much. I want to have joy in the pain and I am realizing that the pain is drawing me closer to the Lord and I do not wish any of it "Lost". I am thankful that God uses me when I am weak and broken. I pray that 2011 will be a year that I grow closer to my heavenly Father.

We are thankful for God's calling; to adopt. We are waiting for the home study process to start. God has continued to calm Rusty and I about the wait. We don't won't to rush the process or try to step ahead of God's will. I am thankful for His adoption of me and that has been a long process that will continue until I take my last breathe here on earth. In the meantime I am praying for our future children; after taking the adoption classes we realize that so many children are awaiting forever families. Our children will most likely have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused. I pray everyday for these children. It is my hope that through our process that more will be encourage to adopt.

Happy New Year!

"God is in the Details"

"God is in the Details”

God you are in all things especially the details.

We started our adoption classes for Impact 4 months ago. We started these classes with a different agency those many months ago. Our classes were to take place over a weekend.

I called my boss Evelyn on that Friday of our first class to check in about arrangements for Sam (whom I am a Nanny for). She asked me if I had heard of The Giving Tree? I think I had; but I had narrowed the agencies down to the one we would be attending our classes through. She told me she had recently received an email from her friend Allison announcing that she was now director of The Giving Tree.

On that Friday night we completed our first class. We left feeling a little apprehensive but thought we can do this "Whatever it takes". When we got home; we immediately noticed our dog Murphy did not greet us with his bark. Rusty called for him but he didn’t come. He wasn’t anywhere to be found and it was too dark and stormy to go door to door. On Saturday our first class was going to start at 9. We knew we couldn’t leave our home in case Murphy came home. I had hope; I figured someone had taken him in for the night and would return him the next morning. We made fliers and visited the dog shelter. By Sunday I was depressed. Our home wasn’t the same without our year old Murphy. The year before we had to put down our 10 year old dog Hunter. Murphy had brought such joy following one of the saddest times in my life. Now we were without our beloved dog and not any closer to finding our child. The following week was spent making fliers, sending our emails and contacting agencies and animal groups. Life had stopped and all I could think about was I have to find Murphy. Rusty was taking it hard also. He was hurting again and it felt familiar after having experienced so much loss before. Why another?
Rusty called out to God “Please return Murphy”.

A week had passed. Rusty was leaving at 4:30am to go to work. I had a dr’s appt that morning or I would have gotten up also. When Rusty was leaving he always whispered “I love you” I immediately woke up and said “I miss Murphy” he responded me too. He closed the door and gathered his stuff to take out to his car. He opened the front door and heard something in the bushes. He thought it must be an animal sleeping that he startled with the door opening. It then appeared that something was coming towards him. It was a dark shadow that came closer and finally revealed that it was Murphy. He had come Home!!! Rusty ran upstairs with Murphy. He opened the door to the bedroom shouting “Ask and you shall receive” Our prayers had been answered. Before I even saw Murphy I began balling. I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life.

Fast Forward 4 months; we changed agencies to The Giving Tree. We have now completed our adoption classes Impact. We don’t believe that all these events were a coincidence but God directing us toward our forever family.

Graduated

We have graduated from Adoption Discovery. I am so thankful for these last two months. Rusty and I have met some sweet people and have learned so much good information.
A couple of points:
You CAN adopt for $0.(even through private adoptions)
Special needs does not necessarily mean mental or physical disabilities.
Only 1% of birth parents changed their mind about giving up their child for adoption.
I learned a lot more information but these really stuck out to me.

Since we are beginning this process it has been so important to absorb the information and then pray about what the Lord wants our next step to be. I was tempted many times to step in and start down a certain path without letting Go and letting God. A really funny point is that one of the Adoption Discovery people used this phrase last night. We have been praying daily about what God wants us to do next.

We are planning on "interviewing many agencies" I called our county's family services today and got information about their next orientation. When I called they asked what age we were looking to adopt. Her response to my answer was "we don't have any children that particular age." Because we went through Adoption Discovery this response doesn't discourage me I knew that would be her answer.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4